It is no secret that Cora is not looking any younger these days. She recently approached me about a possible anti-aging solution, to which I explained one had not been invented yet and she only had cosmetic options if she hoped to look less dog-like. That is when she challenged me by proclaiming that if I was half of the scientist that I claimed to be, I could formulate an anti-aging serum for her and the rest of the world. Naturally I accepted the challenge.

To begin my experiment, I researched many possible sources of what could be considered the embodiment of youth. There is rumored to be a fountain in Florida that grants youth to whoever drinks from it, but because I cannot currently travel there, I ruled it out. I revised my line of thinking and focused on things that are young, like children, which led me to ask, “What is younger than children?”

“Babies!” I shouted upon noting my epiphany. “Could there be anything younger than babies?” Then I had my revelation. Sperm. Sperm is younger than fully-birthed babies. It stood to reason that if I could harness some sperm and transfer it into Cora’s face, I could reverse her aging. So while Mac was asleep, I drugged him and performed surgery on his scrotum, removing the testicles and extracting the sperm. Not to worry, I put them back when I was done and placed an icepack on his crotch. He still doesn’t know what happened but he’s been really cranky ever since.

Thus, I have created Scrotox! I have not tested it yet, but I am pretty sure that once I get the serum mixture correct, injecting it into Cora’s face will cause a regressive-aging reaction. However, it won’t be perfect. In theory, it should only tighten her skin only in cold temperatures and the rest of the time, sag even worse than now. And she might have to shave more often. I cannot wait to show Cora my findings.