So, I was finally building my throne in a secret place in the warehouse where IC could never find it when I suddenly found myself short on nails. Now, our website has been disconnected for seven years (totally Bug’s fault because he wanted a fiber connection and I told him no and then he tried to download 20 terabytes of dumb scientific journals on our existing connection and then I shot an arrow into the router while battling IC to the death… so yeah… his fault for putting that router there) so none of us have any idea what the outside world has been like for all this time. And I NEEDED those nails!

So, I broke protocol and left the domain, risking exposure to humanity and putting myself in harm’s way which is something totally brave and should be admired by everybody in the warehouse. To my surprise, as I opened the loading dock and the warm sun gleamed across my face for the first time in almost a decade, there was nothing except a tumbleweed that blew across the parking lot at just that perfect moment. No people. No cars. No noise. Just the sound of nature… the wind… rattling a pile of pee jugs I told Mac to dispose of. And the scent… of pee.

Where was everybody?

I ventured further into our new apocalyptic wasteland and soon I heard the howls of wolves! I took shelter! It continued for what seemed like hours (because fear) but was really maybe two minutes. Since then, I’ve heard their screams every night EXACTLY at 8pm. With humans out of the way, surely the wolves must be organizing their takeover. As leader, I must prepare the domain to defend themselves! But I needed those nails first, so I continued onward through the concrete jungle…

Until… there it was! A board with a single nail in it… attached to a cluster of boards holding up a sign that read: Maintain social distancing of up to 6 feet. Please wear a mask. Thank you first responders!

As I dismantled the sign, collected the nails, and walked back to the domain I couldn’t help but wonder what the message meant. What had happened during the passed seven years that cleansed the world of humanity? What would force people to remain 6 feet apart from each other and wear a mask? Who are the First Responders and why are they seemingly regarded as heroes?

As I reached for the warehouse door, it finally hit me. The shocking realization from connecting all the dots caused me to drop all the nails in slow-mo and my pupils to narrow.

Super-wolves.

6-foot tall super-wolves! Whose gaze can suck out your soul unless you wear a mask!

And they’re organizing. They’ve exterminated humanity and now they’re desperate, starving, searching for any remaining meat before they turn on each other for sustenance!

We must fortify the domain, do some martial arts training, and make contact with the First Responders or I fear we will be their next meal.