Turkey One
I found this post lurking in the depths and although it is a little late I decided to post it anyways…Fun time…
With the upcoming slaughter of many turkeys and such I decided that I would set out on a campaign to end the loss of innocent and helpless turkeys…Poor little bastards…What did they ever do to hurt us…well so I first needed to post flyers to get members to join so that I could make some money. I would do this by asking for a small membership fee that I would collect during said meetings…I would use a technique that I learned from church by passing around a small metal bowl saying that unless you donate some of your money the turkey god will be upset and send you to the giant oven…First posters…and yes I have been to church a couple of times, mostly to sleep since the humming of the organs makes me laugh until I pass out from lack of breath….hehehe, giant organs…Okay back to the posters…
I had no idea about what would work and what should be on the poster in order to attract people to my cause…I asked around the domain and the answers ranged from, “Fuck you IC, I am busy” to “Go and gobble some cock you turkey lover”…what a bunch of asses…here I am trying to do something noble and they just shove it in my face…So I walked around town racking my brain on how to create a catchy poster…I was walking by the YMCA and was doing the dance to the song like I always do when I saw a poster inside so utterly simple and great that I decided I would make one just like it…I returned to the domain with speed and determination to complete my poster masterpiece before I forgot how to make it…I saw some after school class where they were teaching people how to draw it and it is so simple I cannot believe that I did not think of it before…As I walked into the domain I realized that I did not have any form of an art studio to make my masterpiece in so I confiscated Cora’s room while she was in the shower and began to create…It took me a few tries to get it right and I think that the final result was so good I might even frame the original…I did not have any paint because Mac sold all of it to buy food for his eating habit, so I used the available supplies to create. A little bit of eye liner, some lipstick, blueberry jam and chocolate syrup made my creation come to life…I was ready for my campaign…
I started by simply placing my posters everywhere and waited…nothing…then I put up more posters…and more and more…then I realized that putting my posters only on the side of an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere probably was not the smartest idea…so I walked back to the YMCA and after doing the dance again I put some of my campaign posters up I returned home and waited…this time a whole bunch of bald and sickly pail looking kids and parents came…a lot…way more than I expected…I did not have enough punch for this many people…oh well…the punch-less crowd stood in the courtyard waiting while I just kept pointing at the posters…Not knowing my meaning the crowd began to grumble and slowly everyone started to leave…I had to do something, anything that would keep the people there…I started to speak like the movies I had seen Spherx watching…
“What I mean is this: Throughout thousands of years the conviction grew up and prevailed, not so much in the Turkeys mind as in the minds of the contemporary world, that bloodshed and the extermination of those hitherto in power–together with the destruction of public and private meals and property of turkeys and all other fowl–were essential characteristics of every true revolution. Turkey-kind in general has grown accustomed to accept revolutions with all these consequences somehow or other as if they were legal happenings. I do not mean that people endorse all this tumultuous destruction of life and property; but they certainly accept it as the necessary accompaniment of events which, because of this very reason, are called Revolutionary Dinners”…they suddenly started clapping and cheering, I then made the customary hand sign that I saw on the video and created my own tagline. “Heil Turkei, Bukwawk!” and they responded with the same sign, clapping and laughter…overall I would say it was a success…Now what do I do next?…
