Idiot Chittix – Spherx's Domain

Monkey Business

Spherx has been acting very strange recently and actually leaving the domain. What is he up to I wondered for about 10 seconds until I saw Cora stuffing a pillow with extra fluff…What is she up to…I wondered for about 10 seconds before I looked over at Mac who was also stuffing a pillow with extra fluff…What the hell is going on?

Suddenly out of the silence came a loud burst of sound in Cora’s direction, it sounded like a bunch of howling Gibbon Monkeys. Before I could even register it Cora jumped from the shadows, with loud monkey sounds, and began to swing the fluffed up pillow in Mac’s direction. As I turned my gaze towards Mac he too was making Gibbon Monkey sounds and quickly leaped towards the oncoming Cora.

A flurry of pillow blows occurred, bang, whap, smack. Mac tumbled to the ground panting and said, “Is that all you got?” followed by a series of Gibbon sounds. Cora responded with, “I can do this all day fat boy”.

Now don’t ask me why but this was super entertaining so I just sat there stunned without wondering the cause. They continued to trade blows until Cora rolled away with a superhero pose and heavy breathing-ly pushed out, “What do you want for dinner Mac? I chose yesterday and it is now your day to choose!”

Mac retorted, “I chose Shepards Pie yesterday!”

This made me realize that Mac and Cora are doing it…like a lot…Hey look Spherx is back! Better have got me my Hungry Man Dinners!!! Oh god he smells like Pillow farts!

Heatteded

It is soooooo hot! Spherx will not turn down the temperature in the Domain, he keeps saying you need to learn to appreciate the money we spend. I will tell you this, I am so hot I have lost tons of weight. So much so that it is beginning to affect my work. How am I supposed to keep these sexy pics coming for my fans. Well I decided that I will need to find a way to keep cool. I resorted to living inside of Mac’s second fridge.The problem is that I got so bored in there that I started eating everything and then I began to rate them. As I had no idea what anything was I just referred to them as the date Mac put on everything. Here are my reviews so far.

01/05/2020 – Hints of pine cones and sour milk with an after taste of corn starch and salted gooseberries. One star

01/08/2020 – Notes of vomit and baby diapers, I suffered the whole time. Negative One Star

02/04/2020 – Almost a Coffee flavored milk with a hairy barrage of cabbage crunch. Two Stars

03/01/2020 – Poop flavor with stylings of elderberry syrup. One Star

05/29/2020 – Pretty sure this one is just melted tootsie pop suckers. Five Stars

All in all I would say he has some interesting stuff in here. But nothing to write home about.

Dance Baby Dance

I have been watching a lot of videos on Youtube…Like a lot a lot. Mostly what my viewing history consists of recently are these dance videos where they make dances to songs and get all spicy. I have been watching so many that I decided I should learn to dance. In order to do this correctly I would need to enlist at least one backup dancer who I am for sure better than. The obvious choices would be Cora and Spherx, but I have this deep down feeling that Cora can actually dance and Spherx is you know…So I went with Mac. It took a little convincing as he kept going on and on about this dumpling stew he was making, but he eventually joined me. I showed him the video of that girl who got a boob job but can really dance…you know the Jade Chynoweth…the one that has the trying on clothes videos. Yeah https://youtu.be/UO0i3i-4WYo that one. And in place of doing the dance video we stayed up all night watching her videos and others. Maybe later I can learn to do the dancing stuff and add it to my repertoire of things I do. I really just want to be able to swan jump into someone’s hands as they raise me to the sky.

The Presidential Look

As part of my gathering of the Presidential office, Sergeant Fluffy Town and I decided that my look would need to drastically change into something more presidential. I went through tons of ideas and ended up stealing a bunch of makeup from Spherx and Cora…yes Cora uses makeup and we all know Spherx has been botoxing for years. Anyway, I took all that I could and decided to model my look after the most presidential and striking figures of America’s history. After watching every video I could and getting side tracked by a bunch of Flat Earth videos, I found my main influences. First and foremost would be our current and supreme leader, Donald Trump and his classy and sophisticated tanned hide. I felt people would be more comfortable with something they know. Next I would Andrew Jackson and his fluffy white hair and amazing sayings. “You are a den of vipers and thieves!” Man such a cool saying. Next I would take the nose and jowls of Richard Nixon, he spoke with such flappery that I feel like it is a mouth echo and makes people pay attention. And lastly I will model all my suits after Chester A. Aurther and his lovely mutton chops. Mac seems to think I am a little over the top with all of this but I am thinking that this is going to nail my style into people’s heads.

TCBO1

Well it is that time again, you know the time to begin to think about voting. After a long time sitting on the sidelines I think it is finally time for me to put my hat in the ring. So today I officially announce my candidacy for President of the United States of America. I know I am excited to, but in doing this I will need a staff of people to assist me in my Campaign. Sergeant Fluffy Town is already on board as is Mac, so off to a good start. Mac suggested that we come up with a slogan that people can unite behind. I guess that is a good idea, so me and Sergeant Fluffy Town began to work. We stayed up strategizing the reach-ability, the ease of speech, the simplest way to bring a maximum message. In the end I think we came up with an amazing slogan, something that really speaks to the people. What is that slogan you ask? “There Can be Only One” I am sure you see how amazing this is.

Further detailing how my campaign would go; basically, as Sergeant Fluffy Town puts it, there can be only one victor and all the rest must be slain in brutal combat. I have no idea where he got his idea from but let me tell you, the idea train has left the station and is running full steam ahead! We began working on our debate strategy and as it stands right now I think it is a winning one. Simply put after the first question I would ambush the enemy with my long sword and chop their head off, then lightning would strike me and I would gain their power. In the end I would be the one on top of the presidential throne. Ugh Cora is calling me, more later, but remember There can be only ONE!

The Idiot Bachelor

I cannot stop…I must not stop…So listen, I just found out about the show the Bachelor. Wow, all I can say is Wow! This guy Pete is one hell of a MAN! He can fly, he has good looks, and he has what seems to be what all ladies want! I was so not expecting to enjoy this as it is more…for the ladies…but I started watching with Cora and Spherx who kept trying to tell me I would hate it. Surprise! I love it! When they got all ridiculous about him spending more time with Hannah, I was all like, look he does what he wants! He is a Pilot! Cora and Spherx kept telling me to shut up, but they can stuff it. Well they left anyway to watch the finale without me, so here is my play by play. The In-laws…straight ballers. Dad is cool and Mom looks lovely in yellow, although black may not be her color. Hannah looks good she was my pick from the get go. Madison got a little too emotional for me so I would choose Hannah, I know you are all with me people. I finish, and what!!! He chose Hannah! Ah shit I was right!!! I go to the internet and see how they are getting along…yeah…well, spoiler alert, they are not…like at all…he chose Kelly…Kelly the same smile in every photo Kelly…ugh…I cannot take anymore drama…time to see what his mentally challenged doctor show is all about…wait, he is smart!!!!

Spherx and The “Job”

Ugh…What a week. Spherx thinks he is gonna get to me with his make the Domain great again thing…He made us all get jobs. Like actual jobs to pay for the things that happen around here. Well fuck him…So I wandered around town put in the hustle to get a stupid job since Spherx would not stop nagging me with it. Nothing was working out, like at all. No one seemingly wanted to hire an “illegal alien”, as they put it; air quotation marks and all. I went back to the Domain empty handed and Spherx AND Cora both gave me these long boring speeches about how I need to earn my keep and it is not fair that THEY pay for everything. Look, I know Spherx does stuff, what, I am not sure, but stuff. Cora on the other hand I never see doing anything, she just shows up with money. I decided to snoop around and find out what she has been up to. First I checked her mail, and then burned it, because you know she is mean. When she left for “work” I wandered into her room and found her computer open with a web page called OnlyFans.com open. Upon scrolling I just saw dong, after dong, after dong. “Wait” I thought “I can get paid for showing my furry gherkin!” I promptly signed up for an account and am adding pictures. I was thinking about trying video, but that will be once I have some fans or requests. I promptly walked over to Spherx and said “Congratulate me! I got a JOB!” and stormed off. I do not want him to ask any questions as well and I want nothing from Cora. Okay time to post some more Dick Droppers. Here in case I forget where it is https://onlyfans.com/idiotchittix

The Smell of Death

There is this funny thing that humans do called Composting…basically you save all of your old leftovers and coffee and then make it moldy and then feed it to plants. Well, I am not sure the limit of that but I ended up buying a whole bunch of Venus Fly Traps a couple weeks ago and have yet to figure out the best way to feed them…So…Bring the power of the smelly rotting leftover food stuff…actually is kind of nice, I save time not having to wash dishes and just leave them out. Yeah my room/the whole place smells terrible, but hey free Fly Trap food. Spherx complained so much that I got annoyed and started storing all my old dishes under his bed…stupid son of a bitch. Mac even got into the idea and started to contribute to the IC Venus Fly Trap Relief Fund, well until the plants got the better of him and started to slowly…and I mean slowly, close on his face…I have been saving the food for today and intend to feed it to my fly traps, who knows maybe it will create a bloodthirsty plant from outer space that craves human flesh and I will end up needing to murder humans in order to sustain it’s daily need for blood. Well that is the dream I guess.

Names on Names

I need more Swear Names!

The Howling Bitch in the Corner

So this morning I came into the kitchen to find Mac and Cora both huddled together on the floor making baby noises…Not feeling that this was so strange I continued with my day and went back to my room to eat my breakfast, cupcakes in the sack…but when I came out to get my lunch, usually made by Mac, the two were still sitting there and Spherx had joined in with the baby sounds…”You guys need to grow the fuck up” I said, before I found out that my lunch had not been prepared as normal…”Yo Mac where is my lunch?” I yelled, but all I got back was “Why don’t you make it yousherfu, goo ga goo”…he said more crazy shit but it was way to cray cray and I be all freaking and shiz…so I left hungry only to find Bug sitting in Spherx’s over sized office spinning in his over sized chair screaming, “I am going 3 G’s!!!”…whatever…time passed and as I was extra hungry from not eating lunch, I went into the kitchen early…the fucking assholes were still in there but now Bug and Quiphen had joined them…the five of them were now giggling and making baby sounds…then I heard it, “Ruff ruff.”…”holy shit someone got a dog and it is going to eat me” I said before I ran into my room to grab my shovel…Captain Grave Digger in hand I returned to the kitchen to end the life of the new slobbering death machine…I jumped into the middle of everyone only to find a red eyed ferocious beast with ten eyes four tails and one hundred legs…it was fucking scary as all get out…I swung the Captain in the general direction of the beast with my eyes closed and felt a heavy thud…assuming that I had slain the devil’s pet I opened my eyes to see I had nailed Cora in the face knocking her out cold and the damn howling demon was licking her face…needless to say I got put into “Time Out” while everyone cared for Cora, still using baby sounds…So there I sat, and there it sat…we stared at each other for a good ten minutes…defenseless I shook in fear of the crazy lunatic animal that I knew at any second would attack…time kept passing…the animal began to army crawl towards me, but me being in time out I sat there motionless…closer and closer…now shaking, a feeling of pure panic bubbled inside of me as the bastard came more near…when it got about 5 to 6 feet in front of me I got so primal in thought that I let out what sounded like a wolf howl…again and again I let it out…when I felt the panic release I stopped howling only to find that the beast had been howling along…with me…as if to comfort me…I howled again and so did the dog…it came a little closer…howling again the animal came closer…until the little pup was right in front of me…I reached out my hand, although trembling, and the cute little guy licked my hand over and over again…That is when I heard it…Cora screamed in pure anger form her room and I knew it was time for pain…I howled once more before the real scary beast came out punching in a fury of shovel faced anger…

Author: Idiot Chittix